In the strangest turnaround in Supreme Court history, President Biden officially announced that he is nominating Justice Stephen Breyer to replace himself on the Court.
The announcement was a surprise to everyone inside the White House.
During the regular afternoon press conference, Jen Psaki stopped answering a question about Ukraine when she obviously noticed a commotion at the door that leads to the inner sanctum of the Oval Office. Biden walked in unaccompanied. He strode directly to the podium, said hello to Psaki, approached the microphone and began a rambling three-minute speech.
“I just woke up from my regular nap,” he chuckled aloud. “I dreamed about Justice Breyer. He was wearing his black robes and nothing else. I asked him if there is something I could do. He opened his robe and I saw the hardest, most well defined set of six-pack abdominals I’ve seen on an 80 year old. He’s a rock star if you ask me.”
The press corps chuckled at that, looked warily at one another, then turned their attention back to Biden.
“I apologize to Justice Breyer,” Biden continued. “My staff here in the White House was rude to the Justice by announcing the justice’s retirement prematurely. To make it right, I’m here to announce that I am nominating Justice Stephen Breyer to replace himself on the Court. That should calm things down and set things right with the Justice.”
The announcement caused gnashing of teeth on every network, in every newsroom, and in every Democrat and progressive household in the world.
As Breyer and the media were leaving the room, Biden was overheard hollering “Let’s Go Breyer.” The entourage was rushed out of the room without further comment.