Monkey Pox is spreading like wildfire among certain communities. But the stigma of Monkey Pox may cause some individuals to refuse to seek adequate healthcare. With this in mind, the CDC quietly announced a contest for more appropriate names for Monkey Pox. The first results are in, and the CDC is not pleased.
The top ten vote recipients, in order:
1. Biden Pox
2. Pooh Pox (honoring Winnie the Pooh)
3. PRIMATE 22 (in honor of COVID-19)
4. Tarzan's Revenge
5. Donkey Fever
6. Russia, Russia, Russia Pox (blame everything on the Russians)
7. AOC's Bad Boy Fever ('Cause everyone wants to date her, even monkeys)
8. Pee Pee Pox
9. Curious Georgeitis
10. King Louie's Fire (a Jungle Book reference)
When asked his thoughts on Monkey Pox, Biden, unscripted said, “Don’t sleep with a monkey. They’re small,” he said. “But Gorillas are fair game. They’re big enough to say no or fight back. I should know. I’m not kidding. I’m not lying. Hunter has it on video.” The Secret Service immediately dragged him away, heels scrapping the pavement, to an important meeting.
The winner may be announced soon. Or, the CDC may choose to forget the whole contest idea and keep the name. According to several unnamed sources, including Bob, “The name Monkey Pox is actually less irritating than some of its potential replacements,” Bob said. “Let’s stop the PR bleeding while we can and move on to the next serious threat caused by Biden’s policies.” The inside source was instantly dragged away by a CDC assault team and cannot be located for a follow-up interview.