The old “rich man” in the White House continually worries about the hereafter. According to White House sources, “Biden recognizes that his life of crime and corruption will catch up to him in the end.” His faith isn’t strong enough to be confident his eternal destination will be heaven, so he’s hedging his bets. He wants a bridge built between Hades and Heaven.
The “Biden Bridge From Hades to Heaven” section in the Inflation Reduction Act sets aside money for Biden’s pet project. His 80th birthday triggered a clause in the bill to begin the process of locating Hades and beginning construction on the bridge.
A member of Biden’s extended family admits that Biden remembers a few Bible stories from his youth as a practicing Catholic. The story from Luke 16 is continuously on his mind during the hundreds of vacation days he has taken since his inauguration in 2021.
In Luke 16, Jesus tells the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus. It’s one of Jesus’ most famous parables. In it Jesus shares the story of a very wealthy man who lived a life of luxury. But outside of the man’s home lay an extremely poor man called Lazarus. All Lazarus hoped for in life was to eat “what fell from the rich man’s table.” The rich man cared nothing for Lazarus and his situation. He never offers the poor man food or drink, or the offer of any kindness. Then the story turns dark for the rich man. Both he and Lazarus die. The rich man finds himself in an afterlife condemned to Hades. But somehow he can see Lazarus in a much more favorable situation with Father Abraham.
The rich man pleads with Father Abraham to send Lazarus with cool water to reduce his “agony in this fire.” Father Abraham refuses. The rich man then asks Abraham to send Lazarus to earth to warn his brothers to atone for their sins. Once again, Abraham refuses.
According to White House sources, Biden is deathly afraid of ending up like the rich man. He believes that since the rich man could see “heaven,” then it’s possible to build a bridge between the two locations.
In order to hedge his bets, Biden set aside $500 billion in the Inflation Reduction Act to build the bridge from Hades to Heaven. No one in the Biden administration believes it can be done, but making the “Big Guy” happy is worth the expense.
Biden continues to ask for updates on the new bridge and wants to see the progress for himself. His staff remind him that the actual bridge is somewhere along the border with Mexico. He’s reminded that it’s impossible for him to see it in person because then the whole world would know about the bridge. It’s also imperative that he stay away from the illegal immigrant mess along the border.
Following is the actual parable from Luke 16.
The Rich Man and Lazarus 19 "There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ 25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’ 27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ 29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ 30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ 31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”